WHY its too Hard for People to Say “NO”

This begins as “NO”, so why on this earth there is everyone so, conscious about the feeling of others.
It all started with this “Job Vacancy” in some company. The company was in vicinity to my Home location, thus just like others I too applied for it. Now when things seems on this level, we all strive to put our 100% efforts to somehow get a posting which is near to home or atleast in the nearest city. Being a localite you get your hopes up and going that may be as a “local candidate”, you might get some extra support from local people as there is a common state connection.
This is a usual practice in India, everyone at any place is somehow trying to find connections. The “Connections” has a major roleplay in the fabric of our society. The connections could be based on anything, caste, creed, common state, alma mater, anything. There are communities who simply thrive all due to honoring this connection system and strictly following it for themselves and others.
I talk about a particular caste in my society. The people are so much closely knitted that entire family pursue and use their 100% efforts to pull their family members, relatives inside. All kind of sweet talking, praising and genuine care until they have their people inside. You would love to be born in such caste, as all around strangers are helping.

Imagine this, you are posted at some foreign land. You suddenly find out a person from your parent country is trying to hunt job in your land, and good thing he and you have a common language. Now if you are on an affluential position, you might help them by forwarding their resume etc and would try that at least they get a job in your company or in the vicinity or somehow you guys can live at each others bay.

Why ?? Becoz we are all clan animals and its a prehistoric trait that we have clan bias. We will try to feel secure simply by someone of our community as a neighbour. We hope to call them in distress as being in foreign land support could be garnered from someone we know, a close relative and on top common language has that magic. Its a 2 way street where help can be sorted and expected. We have to be nice in hope for rainy days.

Anyways I was here to talk about why its so hard for people to say “NO”. This a mind boggling question which I have been asking to myself from a very long time, atleast from today afternoon to while writing this article.
So what happened is there was this home location job and just like common person I tried a bit hard for this. Since I tried my hopes got up in the process and I forgot that rejection can even come. Now, in trying what I basically did was called all “my connections” in that company and asked them if they could somehow support me or atleast provide a good review about me, as I am desperate for this job, and their 1 positive review can go long way into my happiness. The excitement got so high that calling lobbying went till I reached calling the “National Head” of the department for which I was to be interviewed.
Imagine this from other side, You posted a job vacancy and there is this local candidate who calls you and express his desperateness for the job. What max you could do is, say yes we will think. Why ? Because you dont know the person, you may appreciate their desperateness or be a douche bag who gets his ego hurt simply becoz some candidate showed their desperateness to join your team. It can work in any way.

I did everything, to the levels where I called the person who from same company had interviewed me in the past. I specifically told him, that look there is this job in vicinity of my home location and may be someone might ask your reviews as you had interview me in past, Now I dont say give a positive feedback or not etc, but atleast tell me, should I expect anything or NOT.
The interviewer may had got amused to my boldness and he further asked me, “Excuse me, can you please repeat” understanding the gravity of the situation I asked him how had I performed in past and what can I expect in future.
He walked off simply saying “Ohh you did well, it was very nice talking to you, etc” the usual stuff.

Move forward 20 days later, I come to know that a “Negative Feedback” has been passed about me in the same company and this “Negativity” was to the levels where they said that I came across as someone who is #arrogant, someone who colludes with others and try to “influence decisions”.

To give you a perspective, 35-40 year old “Adults” speaking that a 27 year old guy, was able to influence some highly educated and experienced to the level where they would change their “decesion” and too over a 2 minute call ??
I mean this guy on his own, cant sell a product in the open market and this random joe was able to influence these “Educated Adults“.
This was not the most amusing thing. Amusing was a bunch of “HR” who readily believed on this stuff and straight away rejected the candidate, becoz of his
“influential capabilities”.
Question is why it all started at first place, what in me got so much excited that I was overdosed with hopes and ready for selection.
It was a “Call” to this idiot who took my interview and expressed these cute words ‘Ohh it was so nice talking to you, you did well, etc”.
Really ….. was it so hard for this person to plainly speak “NO” or at least as a fellow senior throw some light where it was off the balance and what could be done.

But instead he chose to use a set of words which will help him, put in a good light in front of others and walk off.
I dont understand this kink of walking away from things. You did something there would be folding repercussions coming to your way. You try to walk off by a lie then truth will somehow come out and one day or the other, this conversation will take place.
How long do you think, you could hide all this under a rug.

Today I can hold a grudge against this person that may be he would be jealous and in shear jealousy he may have bricked me out. He wanted to look sweet in front of me, but he is a snitch, and cant be trusted at any point of life.
Why such harsh words, becoz his loyalty lies at some place else, he tried to be a double agent and chose to fail me.

All I think today is, why is it so hard to say “NO”. Why cant it be so simple that look you seemed arrogant to me, or you messed up at this place and then may be we can consider you. Why does people don’t want to communicate, why are they so much conscious about what others will think about them if they say a “Plain NO” ????
I understand you may come across as someone who speaks bad and is a plain mouthed. But dont you think being a “plain mouth” is more better than being a “Sweet Snitch” who will in future be ill mouthed and be hardly trusted. What will you do about karma, which is constantly monitoring you and building up your corpus.

I mean I had my hopes too high, based on a few words. Yes my hopes would crash with same jerk but at least then I would have some extra time to think over it and move forward. Today also I will think and move but to take another action, its too late.
The time got wasted waiting for the people to call and pulling out this info that why your call never arrived Becoz there was a snitch.

This kink of NOT saying a plain NO works same across all fields. At least with time some companies has got this decency where their AI respond with a sweet message that dont worry world is fine without us, it was not meant to be and our journey may have some time we shall meet some other time. Few words to say No and do some damage control.

We all have been sitting in exams, either we get passed or we get failed. You know why exams are easy, becoz they give a clear picture, you in or you out. If out then until how long can you reapply etc. They are very clear and yet people are onto them now that “Plain Rejection” does not seem good. They are teaching to be a snitch and use some better words so that “Candidate does not do anything bad to themselves”

Really, hiding the truth, put it under the rug until it becomes to heavy to deal with it. WHY WHY WHY !!!!
How often we all dont say No with a hope that who is gonna tell to the other person about us being mean to them. The answer is No one, but at least your own GOD is watching you and putting down this karma …. where your will meet another sweet snitch.
Plain NO sounds hurtful and ridiculous but sweet snitch is more painful, because in plain no person questions himself, introspects himself. In case of sweet snitch he has 2 problems to solve, 1st is the regular problem of rejection, now the 2nd one is “How could I be so naieve to trust this sweet snitch and fall for his trap. What extra I need to do to sway away from such snakes in future”

Guys trust me, it is more painful to deal with “Betrayal” than “Denial”. Victims mind does not focus on subject, but focus immediately on his basic fabric, his understanding of the world that how he could be so idiot to TRUST. The very fabric of his basic understanding of the world is crushed down completely and entire energy & time is put only on this 1 thing how to avoid this in future and not fall for such traps. Until the problem is sorted there is NO way out. Particular section of the brain lights up constantly in emergency mode that look there is this immediate survival problem and until this is sorted you cannot sleep.
Find a way out becoz, we will encounter people the next day. Pull out, ask people do whatever you like, but solve this first.
Result some people become this crook who just doesn’t trust anyone. Result he has made this shell as a surviving mechanism. He is all alone, hardly trusting and walk away from everything. Hard spoken, timid or rude in nature and secret living stuff.
Can that be done, the answer is NO, I cannot afford that, becoz it will be like walking away from the problem and NOT learning.
Can we fight from whom we got betrayed ? What would be the result, they will give you another reason and walk away. Since decency has to be maintained you have to trust them. Immediate answer is never to communicate with them and be very careful around them, for they might get their ego hurted in thing as small as you ask their name.
Suppose you fight, you confront them, and they also said that yes I was jealous and never wanted you in then ?? Do you have any choice after that ??? NO

SIMPLE PLAIN NO, the deed has already been done and only damage control could be done ahead. Confrontation will still not resolve this problem of finding out sweet snitches and NOT falling for their their traps.
Only 2 options I can think as of now, is dont confront the “Snitch” he will has his own reasons and even if you did he cant be trusted. Let Karma deal with him.
The 2nd option is think, think how to place tight slap on their face. Either by colluding with someone else on top, or somehow getting ahead of them and if you have something extra to make them jealous, then increase it somehow and increase all this to the levels where they approach you themselves “congratulating” you or speaking good about you which they have to and it will be that day this “Sweet Snitch” will realize his mistake of betraying you. Basically invest in yourself to the levels where you get ahead of them. This is the only way the ‘Sweet Snitch” could be answered. Until then we all have to face traps and stay away as a timid bunny who is just surviving until good weather.
The day you pull this off, other “Sweet Snitches” will automatically stay away from you as your slap will work in a real heavy way. This is the only way, make yourself great.

There is another way, which I cannot do particularly as it is against my ethics. And this is to collude with someone more powerful against the ‘Sweet Snitch” and for life long be a doormat to this “Powerful Person” this is indirectly speaking be a more bitter snitch and then come on to them. I am personally against this, I cannot see myself dependent on someone else and this mere fact of being door mat is like being a slut to gangster with whom no one messes, becoz she has a powerful connection. I am the Alpha and will deal it in my way

Lastly for the future make sure, you be this plain speaking rude adult who may break some hearts but… that will be far less than the people he helped in his course of time.
Always remember, worst of the Teachers provide the best of the Lessons in life.
They are rude becoz there is reason and once you clear they will be the most sweetest person whom you ever met.