The Great Indian Wedding D-Day 24 Feb 2020

Last time I wrote about the Great Indian Wedding, all I was doing was
“Anticipating ~The Future” and was just hoping that things would definitely would fall in place. The day arrived, I booked my ticket to Jodhpur and reached the native place by 19 Feb 2020. The plannings were in place and everyone was waiting for me at home and when I say waiting, this was eagerly waiting. I was also thorough, that this time, I am going for a really long holiday and would come late to Delhi. Lets say I was content that I am going for a long vacation, and Nobody in the Office, knows about it. #DammSecret. So I was coming with a real huge packing, the winter days were on brink of getting over, summer were approaching but not at that level, part of warm clothing had to be left. I came back with a Huuuge Bag Packing, becoz I am gonna stay for long. That day I came with a bag, there was a huge packing carton. This carton was filled with lots of goodies in form of small packets, of kutkure, namkeens, popcorns and other sample packs. Courtesy of Tip-Top Foods Private Limited, an urgent Inspection which was done by me to cover the Secret Journey and during that Inspection the Owner got impressed or let say gave to me as a sample and I came back with the sample Carton. Trust me it was Huge, really Huuuggeee (Donald Trump Style) !!!!!!

I came back with packing and goodie box filled and packed to brim for the new bride as I wanted to look her happiest that atleast someday sometime my bro got something for me.
I wanted to tell this from very beginning, the moment I sat in the train and train left the station, Only person tooo eagerly waiting for the morning was “MOM” she had that real miss and emotion, which was oozing out and she is too vocal about those feelings and especially when she misses my presence.
The happiest person at the home was Mom, her son is back and back to enjoy the wedding and make the things happen.
That Night my Nanaji also came and I went to Railway Station to receive them. The maternal relatives were too coming, but Nanaji came early coz I had called him early.
There was I day left for me to enjoy, because on 21 Feb there was MahaShivRatri and I had to leave and go to My Brother in Laws Home with Saava. 20 Feb was all about preparing the Saava and taking it to my Bother in Laws Place. The preparations were all on the verge, most of the work was completed and there was nothing left extra for me to do and even if I say so, it would be like calling for a heated discussion with the real work kept aside.

The day of 21 Feb came, I was extra happy, I took Dadaji, went to AchalNath Mandir, I wanted to take part in rudrabisheik, I was too determined and yes I reached on time to be part of it. By the time I reached there, and got free I got a call from home to come fast as Saava was being writtten and Mahurt for the same was getting over. I had a grocery list which mom gave to me, So I formulated a route and went home fast, without purchases as there was no material for my listed requirements at the shops.

Well I came home the preparations were up and setting was set up to write the saava. Dad was chosen to write it and as usual we all were sitting. Now see, there is this constant tension in between Son and Father due to growing age and since me being me tooo keen over small things there were few things which I didnt like but had to absorb to avoid making a scene in front on everyone and ruining the moment.
The Saava was being written and process had began, Dad being Dad started writting in Hindi, without the top lines, just individual characters. I hated it from my core and was just looking at him, all the while he was writting and me simply absorbing the moment.
Well the time came and at last he did a mistake, which I was eagerly waiting for. He did it, It got ruined and the process had to re-begin all fresh from scratch. I pointed out the mistake he was making and told that let me write it this time. I started writting it as it was my wish to do so, but was never given chance due to my poor hand writting. Well I wrote it with utter happiness and when it came to number, I wrote them too in Hindi. This was kind of like achievement and I got appreciated for my act, with words like “iske haath mein saraswati hai, isko lekar jaaya karo apne likne ke kaamo mein”
I wrote it and it was packed and then I was told, in ancient times when Swayamber used to happened, the winning King used to get Saava written on his name and details and was sent from Queens house to Kings house. Now this Saava was a proof that the King has won and when he came with baaraat to the Queens kingdom, the baaraat will first present the same written Saava as proof of authentic winner king.

The saava will be taken on 25 Feb as decided by the in Laws on my Sister and the Saava packed and kept. The next procession of “Hariye Bikherne” got started and my Mom right after the saava got busy preparing for the same. I went out and bought food stuff for the coming ladies to sing song and mark the beginning of the celebration wedding. Everyone was happy and dancing, and that day I witnessed, my sister over enthusiastically happy. This was the happiness never seen in my life, the way she was dancing, swirling around the house, #I_felt_that for real. I was happy but I had to also prepare for the dresses, as I had not checked on for my Hunting Coat which was something new in my dress arsenal. I checked on it and it was as unexpected, it turned out to be great, I paid for it and was too happy to seal the payment and move out. I was too happy and looking at things falling in place automatically all the way all along without any hassle and was just thoughtful things cannot go wrong, all the pain and tension was worthless, till the D Day everything will come together like a huge jigsaw puzzle.

21 Feb was over, I slept soundly and was waiting for the D Day to arrive with only 2 more day to go. I had to prepare for the wedding ring, necklace and all gold work.
I did that too, some old contacts of Dad moved in, Goldsmith was chosen and some money was loaned on the Goldsmith as the work and design were tedious, but some of it was done and since being in relation we got it loaned.

22 Feb the Maternal relatives were arriving and as usual their train was also late. I asked them book an uber taxi which will get them home in just 40rs. But no one shall listen to you, everyone is brainy. Nanaji was expecting from us that we go and receive them family of 12 including friend of mom and brother, We have a normal activa and no sane would think of doing so. So as usual we told them to come at your own as your well aware of the place. Whether how many eyes turn, it makes no sense, as people are aware of the city, we dont have enough capacity vehicle to collect them all thus our presence or absence makes no sense. Instead we had prepared to receive them at our gates which will be better as its a tedious task and can be done grandiose with full family at a common place and neighbors to witness it. The dinner was delayed that night, order for 6 kg sweets was given and it arrived right times.
The relatives had gathering but I was on speaking terms to only a selected few. So that Night all children sat together till late. All the adults slept as they needed and talked and New Bride bought out the Goodie pack with Fanta and snack stuff for children eat. We were all trash talking, pulling legs of a few and there was 1 recording made, which I told them to stop, as it may call for unwanted attention and cusses afterward in life. I just told them to enjoy the night as something huge is coming. The night was too long and children were no ready to sleep. The dancing the fun was all going on the brim

23 Feb, the day started with “Mehandi” I took everyone out and got the hands painted in Mehandi, paid for everyone and got myself some of it too. I was too happy and too uneasy to wash hands as I wanted full colour of it to be on my skin so that I can flaunt it in my Office, that I had just went by Married and came back all done in too much secrecy and top of all I called no one, and even told no one about it. The day was too good, I was preparing for the next day got the things in the place and making arrangements so that everyone could go to the Wedding Venue. I kept the grocerry in the place for morning beginning and ready to come in morning. Another day went by everyone came were happy, dancing took place, everyone witnessed the Happiness in the Home, people around were too happy and top of all I was too happy to dance and enjoy the day as next day we were to begin the process. The relatives went to wedding venue. I came late from there as I was making sure, everyone was easy in there and there were no problems.

24 Feb 2020 ~~ The KILLER DAY, the previous night was too long and exhausting, and the next day had to begin too early for others. Mom said that we had to wake up all early as we need to go to Temple to bring the god and have their blessings. I had asked Mom that do I need to be part of it, as the day had been too exhausting for me and its 2 in the morning. Waking up early will take a toll on me. She said that I need not to wake up early but had to be there by 8:00 at max at the wedding venue. I agreed on to it. I was content that yes I need not wake up early the next morning and used rest 2 hours of the previous night in my favour to surf the net and lastly some porn to sleep peacefully and yes it was all over at around 4.30 in the morning. I had slept peacefully, with no worries in the head about next day as I had learned my lesson of not taking any tension.
Sometimes you forget that things are taking place together but you need to do your part of thinking and atleast look for eyes looking at you, for they may not be good enough and may feel too envy when looking at you, especially when your too Happy and dancing. Me dancing in the celebration came as surprise to everyone as they had never witnessed me doing so, or let say that me dancing was clear sign of me being too happy.
The following morning, I was sleeping and was awakened, literally awakened to sleep on bed, rather to sleep on floor, as it had to be mopped. I am a person of sleep and when woken unexpectedly the results are drastic. Yes the results of me waking turned out to be too drastic. It was 6.30 in the Morning, 2 hours of me sleeping and was awakened for such a pity reason to mop the floor which could have been easily done later in the day, but it was too essential in a perspective as first thing in morning and was such that, sleep could be sacrificed for this pity reason.

Well I still somehow managed to wake up at 6.30, listened to the song and in-spite of me not wanting to wake up, I managed the time and reached to bathroom. I fell in there. The blow was too much for my fatty body to take as I had fell backward, over bucket which punctured my back muscles the blow was near the backbone and I was down. Literally crying on the floor, like a baby. The body had resetted me to account for the sleep which was pending. I had to sleep for next 2 hours, but now in pain. Everyone came on me, saying your the culprit “Why were you awake till late night, why didnt you slept” and 1000 other reason mobile, surfing, chatting etc.
I had fallen down with a heavy blow on my back, which was not letting me to stand straight. I had to give in. I slept all day, crying that there is no one to help my dad and this was first time I was being happy and responsible. I was cussing all the day the person responsible for this and till today I do so. The person or entity is unknown to me but still I do and I do it really heavy, because it not only ruined the day, but ruined a part of my life.
Whoever responsible for the episode will not live the happy life and will wish death everyday since 24 Feb 2020 till he/she finally dies after years of torture. I never ruined anyone marriage, I kept myself content but never did anything wrong in anyone’s life especially when it came to marriage
I wont wait for Karma to act, I took the cusses and blew it out and yes I shall soon seek this person and myself witness the condition. One thing I would definitely ask is what did they got out of it. By keeping me away from my own sisters wedding, what did they got. Infact keeping me away didnt do a bit, coz marriage had happened and in the most beautiful and grandious way.

I slept in pain all day and trying to somehow stand. I was not able to, the blow to the muscle was too strong to support my heavy body and pain was striking, I was given all kind of medication to just stand, even by the evening but I could not. I was trying my best, taking the pain, all the way to accept any supporting hand or any dependency. I was too egoistic to stand on my own and walk rather than take a hand. All the time I failed.

The day was not in my hand, I was in pain and so was the entire family as the blow was not on me but on entire family and mom had to be that double agent, who can either cribble on me or be content so that the marriage is not ruined, I was not present in any function, but somehow I managed to get up in the evening by taking pain medications and lot of trying. I was able to stand but for too much less time and had too much pain in every moment.

The evening came, My dress also came, and once I stood up, I was in confidence that yes I can win this battle and will not let anything ruin. Just like other party people I too went in the party as guest, as I was too weak to be a host.

I went to a place where they were simply betting over my presence, that look whatever you do, our lad cant make to the wedding as he is too weak.
To your surprise this was no one other than my own GRANDFATHER who was subtly overjoyed in my absence from such a grand event. Any ways one of the friends came and I managed to wear the dress. Got to the Saloon to get my shaving done, trimmed to good levels and lo behold, who entered the Party.
I went in sat at single place and saw the show rather than taking movements as my back didnt allowed me to do so. Everyone came with usual greetings, asking me stuff.
I was a guest who could not even eat properly as my mouth too had got wasted due to blow, tongue was bit, thus taste was out of order.

I am a foodie boy, and I cannot eat in my own party. I mean I have imagined this day and tasted a lot and today in reality, ….. it all tastes bland becoz of this fucking blow.

All in all … its about I got to know a part of myself that I am a guy who plans and prepares stuff first hand. If anything sways from the plan then I am stuck, like an antelope in head lights. I freeze, dont have any course of action and that 1 pity thing of mopping the floor.
FYI the floor was never mopped and only just only it was instigated so that I could fall and it was all done deed. I simply ask them what made them take such a rash decision till date. They all reply same stuff “You are responsible for all this, we asked you to sleep but you never did, you wanted talk to people late night, you chose to sacrifice your sleep now dont come to us for blame”

Everyone is simply walking off from the responsibility of their pity decision, but only pointing at me, when I had asked them very clearly whether I had to “WAKE UP EARLY OR NOT and after 3 re-iterations of NO I slept in peace”

Result was this fucking 6:30AM which unfortunately put me, 6 month back in life and gave me a LIFETIME SCAR, a spasm which will kill me every winters.
One fucking decision as simple as mopping the floor. Which by the way was not at all necessary as everyone was LEAVING THE PLACE FOR THE DAY.

I stayed I stayed on all my 4’s lying on floor crying, to my life, without support. Only I know the pain. There I felt the urgent need of my girlfriend. I literally wanted her to be my side, somehow some support, I just wanted her to hold my hand and literally say to me “No matter whatever you do, dont mess this up, own the day go out and kill every evil coming this way, we all rely on you”
The warrior was on floor helpless, …… the fat took over me …..!!!!!!

Fast forward to 2021 till this day I am accused for my irresponsible behavior leading to this event. What did I do to solve this ? Never call any of these fuckers to any of your grand celebration especially when you are alone.
Sleep, still not … I have this habit of jerking off before sleeping for the day. Still cant sleep without it, entire night.

Anyways … if anyone intrested I can write about the next day 25 Feb 19 where I had overcome the pain for sometime and how eventually I fell into this abyss, leading to a nationwide lockdown and there I took my life in some order.