There is a world of possibilities open when you are an Extrovert. The life happens you grow up all willey nilley in a household where people are old and they used to be sm1 just like you, but at a time. Your traits are simply admired and thought to wear off with time. The Extrovert growing up in between Introverts is a worst thing.
Basically the Family around used to be that, but with time they realized being MUM has more benefits than plain speaking. The Extrovert child, grows up with time, looks life around lives it and soon after a good hell time alone, moving in Corporate ladder realizes being an introvert is the need and more outlaw and outspoken you are, it will get against you. The Extrovert has this constant need for attention whether he is hyper active, hyper spoken or anything that sort. The brain processes and body responds. Brain just don’t want to stop and body it simply follows.
Back to the story, the life happens boy goes to new city, a place admired by the world and which never sleeps. #BOMBAY the love of my life, the state most written about or let say atleast more read about with enormous excitement. That 7 lives you see yes it is actually a thing, those are 7 births each having a consistent story ever evolving
Its not just BOMBAY that is exciting or happening, the other cities are simply not so much written about. Otherwise you see Benaras the other soothing state. The place which gives you a new perspective for life. It makes you think, gets under your skin and just doesn’t leaves you. The vibrations, the feel everything.
You know what is so exciting about these 2 states. The places are like just other cities from outside, what makes them lively is the stories which make them what they are today.
Read History and you shall get how exciting the era had been every time and how these states have evolved. You go there with these stories in mind and boy….they will seemingly come alive.
I had just 1 trip to Benaras, at that time it just looks like a normal city, normal people. You come back and share stories that see nothing happened it felt very normal.
But then you watch Masaan, Raanjhna you see the Ghats getting alive and now suddenly they get joined with your stories.
You ask native people about particular shooting location, its back story and more you know, more it gets entwined into your real trip.
Now you feel the city vibrating in you every time you hear its, songs. The song plays in background yet you feel the vibrations of the city. You feel the character its environment and witness yourself getting immersed in a world where the city is getting alive into you. The worst part is you miss the city. You wanna leave everything and just go seat on the ghat for the first time and now exactly you understand why people does it. Which in your trip looked very normal at first place.
This is what reading about a place does to you. It makes you understand why it is and how it works. Once you knw it, you wanna get involved desperately but you cant and result is this extreme love for a place which shall get disappeared after some time as soon as you get there.
The songs make you feel alive and kind of become that door through which you can just be into the city. You be sm1 in the city. Thats what reading does to you.
Now you are feeling such a commotion in your head, but you have no one to share. The people around are simply avoidant to your experiences and despise your thoughts. WHY ??
Because with you they too have matured with time and understand these things even they know it. It is a new experience for you and when you belong to a middle class, more pressure is to put your head into uplifiting family position financially. These things can simply wait and are just not the thing of today especially when you are at your prime to earn and they see you getting into philosphy which according to them is the need after 40 and NOT required to be even touched in your 20’s.
Your brain should work in direction to be an entrepreneur and not towards these things, life will give you time.
At times when thinking maturely, even I resonate to same thoughts on need of time. But sadly what excites me is something else. I think I can walk off from it the answer is a big NO. Somehow I get connected to some people who will share History, stories of past about country, family, states anything any content.
Once I hear it, I love it and remember it for a very very long time. I have this ability, but I am not good with dates. I can recall events exactly but you ask date and boom I fall off. I can tell time but not dates. So even if I try to use it wisely the dates of History will back me off or fire me out.
I am an Engineer, but looking around myself today I think it would be a really wise choice to study arts. History, Politics, General Science, Philosophy, Literature etc. Just getting into this stuff would be a Gala time of life. The family conditions and a poor future is what puts a real pressure on the parents to force their child to study something different. At the end of the day when you are responsible it all jolts down to 1 question, what are you putting on table. Somehow you get lucky to put something, you are admired but if you fail, stakes are too high. You will be despised all your life.
I was never forced. I simply adapted and did well. It never occurred to me that things were a pressure, only pressure was to get something in a limited time. Today what I am is all due to that journey which I took. May be the courses showed me what I like or helped me give a direction a thinking pattern. Its all about grinding and hustling until you find what exactly you need.
There is no other way to find out, you have to take the leap face the air and only then you can understand how to roll. No matter what you do. You are today is sum of your journey and your environment.
You want to be a businessman, start living with a particular clan and they will make you believe even you are an IAS you need to have a small shop which earns you a living. Becoz thats how environment work.
Anyways coming back to depression it is basically the result of an overworked brain. It has a lot of stuff going on and it need sm1 to just hear him out. Too much knowledge has to be poured out, so that you can simply feel light headed. It is just like Vomit.
Just a day before exam, you read too much, is like eating and preparing all stuff you can. Next day you start writting your exam, and you ramble on pages, you simply pour out all you have. Just like a hamster who has filled his mouth and simply putting out what all he has brought. You come you of room and there is this light headedness. All stuff you read is simply out and rambled on with a commitment that, yes sm1 will read this stuff seriously to the end. They will judge you on that and result will be given. That feel of light headedness is the result you sleep in the afternoon as if the rest will complement the brain as it has got empty.
The depression is simply this lack of communication, a person just cannot be open to every one, he cant be his real outside his family as there are masks all around.
The family members are too busy or simply not interested result is person is feeling alone, around family.
The person in depression has a lot to speak and he cannot pour it out. All he/she needs is a place to ramble and some spectator in front of which he can be just open.
The search of this hearing person adds more to the sorrows, becoz who likes to listen stuff, everyone is facing their own battle and searching sm1 to whom they can ramble their sorrows. The depression is search of this person, dealy leads to hoplessness.
Its not a disease or mental state but a real search of a genuine interested person and related hopelessness. The person is full of stuff and he just wants to pour out to a contender whom he feels is eligible.
Unless this person is found the stuff gets collected and bottled up to a level where physical illness starts, irritation takes over and soon other things comes in.
The people becoming GOD that come to us we will hear you out etc, are not eligible. Understand the fact, the person to hear the stuff has to be considered eligible by the depressed person. I mean there are 1000 people around and who doesn’t want to laugh on sm1 else’s problem . Just go to any temple and you will have many old people talking to you. They will ask you 1000 questions. You share to them and things will come biting back your ass.
As of now I remember, Hitmans Bodyguard, Michael Bryce was depressed NOT becoz he failed, but he failed due to sm1 else bailed out on him. He is a AAA Rated saving people from threats no one can imagine, planning 1000 moves ahead and he failed to recognize sm1 who was sharing bed with him. The girl bailed out on him and Mr Kurosawa was a peak. Result is his poor condition, until he met Darius Kincaid who showed him the truth how the events unfolded.
” I was up here …….God Dammmit !!!!! ” Its all about communication, things are to be poured out !!!!!!
The Adventures of Swapnil Sharma from 2020 